July 20th

Dear Holdon, On this day 6 years ago, I held you for the last time. No matter how much time passes, it never gets easier to know I’ll never get to hold you again. Today, I sit here snuggling your little brother and it’s still not easier. I wish so badly you were here to snuggle too. Due to your severe prematurity, you had so many tubes and wires all over you. You even had a tube to breathe for you, and because of that, I was only allowed to hold you five times. Five. What I would give for […]

myhopejar is moving

This is not the long overdue update I should be posting. Instead it’s just a quick update to let anyone who is still reading this blog that myhopejar.com is moving from wordpress.com to wordpress.org so I can manage and host the blog myself. Why am I making this change? Well there are many of reasons. However, the most practical reason is money. I just purchased a new hosting plan for my company site and have shut it down and am now in the process of rebuilding/redesigning my company site. One of the perks/incentives for moving hosting companies for my company […]

I'm Still Here

To say this is post is overdue is a gross understatement. Archer is nearly a year old and since his birth I’ve written four updates. Four. It’s absolutely shameful! So why the long absence? Honestly, it’s rather complicated. I actually have many drafts saved, but somehow I never published any of them. One reason for my long absence is work. Working from home seems like such a great idea when you want to be at home with your baby and still try to bring in an income, but what I didn’t realize before little man was born, is it’s really […]

Wave of Light on October 15th: International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

   I have been terrible at updating this blog, but tonight I had to write a quick post in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. On this day, around the world, people are participating in the Wave of Light by lighting candles for their babies in heaven. Tonight I read Archer his usual bedtime story but instead of Guess How Much I Love You or one of our other favorites, I read to him Someone Came Before you. This is another book we read often. Holdon is always on my mind and I want Archer to know about […]

Long Overdue Update

It’s been so long since I posted an update, I really don’t even know where to begin. First of all, everything is good. Archer is doing well and growing like a weed. He’s exceeding milestones and seems to be growing and changing every single day. At his 2-month check up, he was in the 99th percentile for height and 53rd for weight. He’s made up for his slow start to gaining weight and then some! We have his next well baby appointment on Monday, which I’m really looking forward to and dreading at the same time. I can’t wait to […]

Time Flies When You're Having Fun!

Happy New Year everyone! I can’t believe it’s been a month since my last update and Archer is already almost 5 weeks old! I feel like such a delinquent blogger! I actually sat down to write this post so many times, but Archer would need me and I never got around to finishing it. I want to start off by saying a big thank you to everyone for all your love and support. I am completely overwhelmed by all your comments and I just wanted to send you all so much love back! <3  I attempted to reply to all […]

Our Miracle Boy is Here!

I am so sorry for the delay posting this update. The past 2 days have gone by in a blur. I had hoped to write a detailed post, but it’s not easy from my phone. So I thought I would at least post an update with his name and some pics and then I’ll post the complete birth details when I get back home and settled. Our miracle boy is here! And we are in complete awe of him. Archer Holdon Regunathan was born at 7:31 am on December 16th weighing 6lbs 15 oz and 19 inches long. He’s a […]

The Best Anniversary Present Ever

On Monday evening around 8pm I was walking into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea and my water broke! I felt a gush of liquid. Thought, huh what was that? And then it happened again. I must have made a weird sound because my husband came running in to check on me. I just shook my head and said “I think my water broke or maybe I just peed my pants. I don’t know!” So here’s a little fact that I didn’t know until tonight and they really don’t explain in any of the books I’ve read, […]

Sacred Project

Jasmine at http://walkwithjasmine.wordpress.com, posted this today and it really moved me. Jasmine is 1 of the 497 women in the video. Repeatedly you hear the word “sacred”, repeatedly you see the art of “sacred” bellies. It represents all of us, mothers who have lost babies. No more shame, no more guilt, no more silence. On the graves of our little ones, we rise up and say, “I am sacred because of you.” Please share this video and spread the word. I am a sacred space because of Holdon and my other 4 angels in Heaven. <3