I have been holding off writing this post until I had more answers, but three days later, I honestly still don’t know what the F really happened. My period was due 4 days ago. By 6PM on that day, there was no sign of AF arriving and I was feeling all the familiar “symptoms” I’ve had with my last 4 pregnancies: weird throbbing headaches, extremely sore breasts and peeing a lot, so I decided to test. I sent my hubby out to get the tests because I had used up all my tests last month when I was frantically hoping for a BFP after my embryo transfer. He came home with the generic CVS brand with blue dye. I wasn’t happy. I only trust First Response Early Result tests not blue dye early result tests. I have heard they can sometimes give false positives. At any rate, this was the only test I had and my hubby was irritated with me for testing at all. He’s of the mindset, we’ll find out when my period is a no show, but since I always have a 26 day cycle and my period is usually in full force by the evening on…Continue reading Chemical Pregnancy or False Positive?
Category: Healing Through Sharing
Feeling Down But Still Believe In Miracles
Did anybody else see the story on the news this morning about a woman in Indiana who went to the hospital with stomach pains thinking she had severe appendicitis or gall bladder stones and was told she was in labor? She had no idea she was pregnant until her water broke in the ER. Seriously?! What the F? I was completely stunned watching this and burst into angry tears upon hearing it. How on earth can this happen? That poor baby. Who knows what the stupid B did in the 9 months while she was carrying him. She honestly thought she had just put on extra winter weight! Who can be that stupid?! Am I the only one who’s furious about this? The people on the news reporting on the story didn’t seem to be. They talked about it like it was the funniest thing in the world. I’m sorry, there’s nothing funny about this story. It’s unbelievable to me that this can happen, and yet this isn’t the first time I’ve heard stories like this. It’s so unfair! So many of us are so cautious during pregnancy that we barely breathe for fear it will cause a miscarriage, and…Continue reading Feeling Down But Still Believe In Miracles
Liebster Award
I finally have some time and want to properly say thank you to my lady bits for nominating me for the Liebster Award. I am truly humbled and honored to accept this acknowledgement. Thank you so much my lady bits! This past week has been very rough on you and I just wanted to say, don’t lose faith my friend. We’re all in this together. Your nomination reminded me that I’m not alone and really brightened my day, and I want to remind you that you are not alone in this too. You and our fellow bloggers in the RPL/Infertility blogosphere provide a special understanding when life doesn’t seem to make sense and truly make this difficult journey so much easier. I pray I do the same for you. That was my biggest hope when I created this blog and why I continue to write. In sharing our stories, we really do help each other. How the Liebster Award works: The Liebster Award brings a community of bloggers together and allows us to acknowledge each other and learn more about each other. To participate, Include the Liebster award image in your post (done). Link the blogger who nominated you (absolutely: my…Continue reading Liebster Award
Quick Updates
I don’t have much time because we’re getting ready to go out for the day, but I wanted to write a quick post. I’m really bad at letting weeks go by in-between posts when I’m busy so though I’d just write a quick one this morning and then I’ll write more in a few days when I have more time. Work has been busy and we’ve had the pleasure of visitors for the past few weeks and more to come upcoming weeks! With so many of our family and friends scattered about the US and Canada, it’s always so wonderful to have them come down here for a visit. It helps that we have nice weather all year round 🙂 My sister in-law was here for a week and a half at the beginning of the month, and now my parents are here from Canada. It was amazing to get up early and watch Team Canada win the Gold medal this morning with my parents. Way to go Team Canada! Liebster Award Nomination I’m humbled to announce that I received a nomination from My Lady Bits for the Liebster Award the other day. I plan on writing a separate post…Continue reading Quick Updates
Hard Decisions
I’m having a really hard time articulating my thoughts right now so I hope this all makes sense. Since my last post, we’ve had to reevaluate our choices again because we got the fee summary from our clinic for our upcoming plan, and we’re not sure we can or should proceed. If we somehow miraculously end up needing to do only one low stim cycle, it will still end up costing us another $16,000. If we end up having to do 3 or more low stim cycles (far more likely), we’re looking at spending another $25,000 or more. Here’s the fee summary we received from our clinic: MIN STIMULATION EMBRYO CRYO CYCLE, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE $ 6,442.50 MIN STIMULATION EMBRYO CRYO CYCLE, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE-15% ADJUSTMENT $ 5,872.38 MIN STIMULATION EMBRYO CRYO CYCLE, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE-30% ADJUSTMENT $ 4,902.25 FROZEN EMBRYO TRANSFER, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE-15% ADJUSTMENT $ 3,493.50 REPROGENETICS 24-CHROMOSOME PANEL (EMBRYOS 1-12) $ 5,125.00 ADDITIONAL $225 PER EMBRYO OVER 12, IF APPLICABLE TOTAL AMOUNT DUE $ 25,835.63 The above fee breakdown is for 3 Min Stimulation cycles. It will end up costing even more if we still don’t have enough embryos for testing after 3 cycles. I have to…Continue reading Hard Decisions
CD 2 – Moving Forward and Refusing to Give Up
First of all, I want to thank everyone in the RPL blogosphere for all your support and prayers over the past couple weeks. Thank you also to my family and friends. All your love and support has been my lifeline through this entire process. I apologize for not updating all of you sooner. I have to admit, I was feeling pretty lost. I really thought our one good embryo would take, so it was a complete shock when it didn’t. Even with our 2 negative betas (and 3 negative HPTs), I kept thinking it must have been a mistake and somehow I was still pregnant, but my period arriving with a vengeance yesterday put those diffusional thoughts to rest. It’s done. I accept that now, but I refuse to accept that this journey is done for us. I just can’t be. We met with Dr. J on Wednesday to discuss what happened and talked about our options. They weren’t great, but there still are some options, so thank God for that! He had no explanation for why our embryo didn’t take. She was only a moderate grade embryo which could have been an explanation, except that we did PGD, so…Continue reading CD 2 – Moving Forward and Refusing to Give Up
A Prayer for the Infertile by a hundred affections
This is so beautiful. I echo each and every word. Thank you Kate at a hundred affections, for posting this prayer: A Prayer for the Infertile | a hundred affections
6dp5dt – Losing Hope
Well a lot has changed in the past 3 days. I wish I could say it was for the better, but unfortunately, that’s not the case. I have been feeling a lot of cramping that’s gotten steadily more noticeable in the past couple days and my breasts were starting to get really sore. I thought this must have been a good sign, so I decided to do an FRER HPT, yesterday. I know I shouldn’t have. The nurse specifically told me not to, but I know FRER is really sensitive and can detect the smallest traces of HCG, and I told myself from the start that I would test a day or two before so I could prepare myself. Well it was negative. And I did another test this morning and it was negative too. I’m devestaded. How can I be feeling all of this and it be negative? I guess it could be the progesterone, but I didn’t feel any of this before the transfer. It’s so messed up. I know it’s not over until the beta tomorrow, but I’m not too hopeful anymore that the result will be different with the blood test. I know this is why the…Continue reading 6dp5dt – Losing Hope
Love . Faith . Hope
My painting is finished! It only took me 3 years to finish, but it’s finally out of my head and on the canvas! In the summer of 2011, one year after the death of my son, I purchased this canvas and started this painting. I started it for Holdon. I wanted to capture all my memories and thoughts of him. I began by sketching out my ideas on the canvas in pencil and put enough paint on the canvas to outline the infinity symbol, but then I became pregnant again and even though I only paint in acrylic and it’s supposed to be non-toxic, I was scared to continue painting, especially in the first trimester. So I put the painting on hold. Then I had my first miscarriage, and I hit such a low place, I couldn’t bring myself to work on it anymore. I didn’t want all the bitter energy I was feeling to be reflected in it. So I put everything away, and promised myself I would come back to it when I was in a better place. It took a long time to get to that better place. Just when I would feel like I was ready…Continue reading Love . Faith . Hope
FET Progesterone Day 3 / 2WW – Care Package #3
Today’s package was a really special gift. It was a small journal with pink fur and hearts on it. My dear friend had no way of knowing that our embryo would be a girl, and yet the little book is so obviously girlie. I think it’s a really good sign that this little girl embtyo is meant to be. Inside the book, my friend inscribed the following: Legend says, when you can’t sleep at night, it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dream. My dreams are for you in this journey. Love you my dear friend. I have several journals that I’ve written in about all my pregnancies, as well as all the moments of trying in between. This is perfect because you can never have enough journals! And I know I’m going to have many sleepless nights in the upcoming weeks (months) while I wait to find out if this works and I think this little book will be the perfect place to write down all the thoughts that are keeping me up. I love the idea that someone else is dreaming about me and for me on those sleepless nights. Package #3 Quote: “When the world says ‘Give…Continue reading FET Progesterone Day 3 / 2WW – Care Package #3