Tomorrow

  Tomorrow Holdon would have been 7 years old. How has so much time gone by already? And yet a day doesn’t go by that I don’t remember every detail of that day on April 6th, 2010 like it was yesterday. He shouldn’t have been born that day. He wasn’t due to be born until June 26th. But HELLP Syndrome happened to me and he was delivered via emergency c-section at just 27 weeks, 5 days. I was told I had to deliver immediately or I could die and Holdon was in distress, having not grown at all since 24 weeks. He was severely premature, made even worse by severe growth restriction, and a perforation in his small intestine on top of it all. He had to have surgery at only 1 day old to remove the necrotic tissues of the small intestine that had perforated and was left with only 25%. The odds of survival were stacked up against him from the start. The fact that he lived for 3 1/2 months in the NICU is truly amazing and testament to how strong and amazing our little boy was. Time goes on and a lot has changed. It took […]

Trying Not to Freak Out

We had an OB appointment today and all is good with baby boy. He’s measuring a whopping 4lbs 8 oz (give or take 11 oz) at just over 30 weeks! Little man is not so little! He’s also moving around constantly and getting pretty squishy in there so it’s hard to get a good image of him these days, but my doctor said this is all very good. It is such a huge relief that he is clearly doing so well, especially since I am not feeling great at all. I’m so relieved he doesn’t seem to be affected by it. That is the most important thing, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit to feeling pretty miserable these past few days. Along with a horrible head cold that has kept me up for over a week now and causes some pretty awful ligament pain when the coughing fits get really bad, it seems that nausea has come back in the third trimester. For the past 3 days, I have been really sick and barely able to keep anything down. My doctor said the nausea is probably a reaction to the head cold as it works its way […]

Quick Update – 26 Weeks 2 Days

Today I’m 26 weeks 2 days and only 5 days away from starting my third trimester! I can’t believe it! We had another OB appointment today and all was perfect 🙂 Little man is still measuring ahead and starting to get some super cute, chubby cheeks that we can actually see on the regular non 3D ultrasound. In fact he’s got quite a lot of cute baby fat everywhere now and is measuring almost a full 2 weeks ahead. It’s no wonder I’m looking and feeling so huge these days. I feel like I have to hold onto my belly while I’m doing my prenatal exercises because it’s starting to get heavy! I can’t imagine how big I’m going to be after these last 3 months! The other major thing that happened today is we booked our tentative c-section date. As of right now, it’s scheduled for Dec 30th. For some reason, my doctor’s office goes by the LMP for dating even though my ultrasounds have all been showing baby consistently ahead and they even told me my due date changed to January 3rd at one of my early appointments so that’s what I’ve been going with. And now, as […]

Blood Work is Good

This is just a quick update to let you all know my blood work all came back today and everything was within the normal range for pregnancy so there’s no evidence of HELLP at this time. Phew! I’m so relieved! Thank you for all your comments and prayers yesterday. I had a crazy day so haven’t had a chance to reply to all of you yet or read any of your posts from today, but I will soon! Lots of love and hugs <3 Here are a few pins about HELLP I found on pinterest the other night when I couldn’t sleep…    

Quick Update: 14 Weeks 4 Days

I don’t have that much new to report on, but just wanted to let you all know I’m still here and doing okay. I’m 14 Weeks 4 Days pregnant today. It’s so hard to believe I’ve made it this far! So far all is going well. I’m feeling a lot more like myself these days. I’m still feeling a bit dizzy and light headed, but it’s not as often as a couple weeks ago. The nausea is mostly gone now too. Other than the occasional headache, I’m feeling pretty good these days. Which of course terrifies me! I know this is normal for the second trimester, but it’s hard not to worry. My last scan was at 11W4D. I think I’ll feel better after my next OB appt and scan on Tuesday. I hate that I’m still living from appointment to appointment right now and wonder when and if I’ll ever let go and really relax, but it’s just so hard. Tuesday can’t come soon enough! In other news, tarakay21.wordpress.com and myperfectbreakdown.com, the bloggers I invited to participate in the blog hop, posted their blog hop posts this week. If you haven’t had a chance to read them yet, check […]

I AM A HELLP Survivor – Preeclampsia Awareness Month

I am a HELLP Syndrome survivor too. A fellow blogger posted this on her blog today and I had to share it. I survived, but my son Holdon did not. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t still feel his loss and the after effects of this terrible condition of pregnancy. Mommy This Mommy That’s post… I just wanted to put out there that my daughter and I are HELLP survivors. I saw that May is preeclampsia awareness month. Everywhere I’ve read there are different definitions for HELLP. Some say you get help after you are diagnosed with preeclampsia. Other places say it’s a severe form of preeclampsia. According to the American pregnancy.org website HELLP syndrome defined “HELLP Syndrome is a series of symptoms that make up a syndrome that can affect pregnant women. HELLP syndrome is thought to be a variant of preeclampsia, but it may be an entity all on its own. There are still many questions about the serious condition of HELLP syndrome. The cause is still unclear to many doctors and often HELLP syndrome is misdiagnosed. It is believed that HELLP syndrome affects about 0.2 to 0.6 percent of all pregnancies.” To read […]

For Our Angel, Holdon on His 4th Birthday

View video in YouTube: In Loving Memory of Our Son Holdon – YouTube. Four years ago today, on April 6th, 2010 at 1:38 PM, our son Holdon was born 3 months early due to a dangerous pregnancy condition called HELLP Syndrome, a variant of preeclampsia. He lived for 3 ½ months in the NICU. We named him Holdon with a second “o” so it would spell “hold on”, and he did. He held on every day of his precious life. He fought so hard, but in the end it was too much. On July 14th, 2010, we were told there was nothing more the doctors could do. His tiny underdeveloped lungs and short gut syndrome were too much for him. He could not absorb nutrients properly so his lungs couldn’t develop. He never came off the breathing tube and eventually he succumbed to infection, and as a result of sepsis his organs began to shut down. We had him baptized at the hospital on July 19th, and then at 2:26 PM on July 20th 2010, after struggling for days with the impossible decision no parent should ever have to make, our son Holdon was taken off the breathing tube and […]

WTF is My Body Doing?

It’s been such a crazy time lately and I’ve been so out of touch with this blog. I’ve been reading all my fellow bloggers posts and commenting when I have time, but have been completely neglecting my own blog. To recap, last cycle we got pregnant and had a chemical pregnancy that ended just a few days after I first saw a positive pregnancy test. It was my 5th loss in less than 4 years. It all happened so fast, and while my parents were visiting, so I didn’t have time to process it at all. Then, just 4 days later, my college roommate and her husband flew in for a long weekend. It was great to spend time with them but it was a whirlwind weekend of shopping and site-seeing with only a short break on the beach last Saturday to enjoy the 85 degree weather, and then a Saint Patrick’s Day party on Sunday that lasted all day in the hot sun. We continued the party at our house and only got a short nap in before seeing our friends off to the airport at 4AM on Monday morning. We barely got back to sleep when we were […]

Feeling Down But Still Believe In Miracles

Did anybody else see the story on the news this morning about a woman in Indiana who went to the hospital with stomach pains thinking she had severe appendicitis or gall bladder stones and was told she was in labor? She had no idea she was pregnant until her water broke in the ER. Seriously?! What the F? I was completely stunned watching this and burst into angry tears upon hearing it. How on earth can this happen? That poor baby. Who knows what the stupid B did in the 9 months while she was carrying him. She honestly thought she had just put on extra winter weight! Who can be that stupid?! Am I the only one who’s furious about this? The people on the news reporting on the story didn’t seem to be. They talked about it like it was the funniest thing in the world. I’m sorry, there’s nothing funny about this story. It’s unbelievable to me that this can happen, and yet this isn’t the first time I’ve heard stories like this. It’s so unfair! So many of us are so cautious during pregnancy that we barely breathe for fear it will cause a miscarriage, and […]

Quick Updates

I don’t have much time because we’re getting ready to go out for the day, but I wanted to write a quick post. I’m really bad at letting weeks go by in-between posts when I’m busy so though I’d just write a quick one this morning and then I’ll write more in a few days when I have more time. Work has been busy and we’ve had the pleasure of visitors for the past few weeks and more to come upcoming weeks! With so many of our family and friends scattered about the US and Canada, it’s always so wonderful to have them come down here for a visit. It helps that we have nice weather all year round 🙂 My sister in-law was here for a week and a half at the beginning of the month, and now my parents are here from Canada. It was amazing to get up early and watch Team Canada win the Gold medal this morning with my parents. Way to go Team Canada! Liebster Award Nomination I’m humbled to announce that I received a nomination from My Lady Bits for the Liebster Award the other day. I plan on writing a separate post […]