Holy Appointments!

Today, I met with the main nurse at Dr. S’ office (my regular OB) to get myself officially in the Kaiser Permanente system as pregnant and schedule my first OB appointment. They’re real sticklers for protocol at Kaiser. Even though, I’m 8 1/2 weeks pregnant and I’ve had 2 betas and 2 ultrasounds and Dr. K is also a doctor within the Kaiser system, she’s an RE not a regular OB so I had to go through the Kaiser prenatal intake process in order to schedule my first appointment with Dr. S. The intake process consisted of filling out a long prenatal history questionnaire, which led to a long conversation with the nurse, where I had to explain my history of HELLP Syndrome and the death of my son with my first pregnancy, then my subsequent 3 miscarriages, then IVF and PGD with FET that failed, followed by a chemical pregnancy the very next cycle, and after all of that, pregnant again 2 cycles later naturally with #6. To give the nurse credit, she tried to be delicate about it, but said, “let me get this clear, this is your 6th pregnancy and you have no living children?” All I […]

Jelly Bean is 7 Weeks 4 Days!

We had our second scan today and Jelly Bean is still doing great! He or she is still measuring a couple days ahead of schedule at 7 weeks 4 days and the little heart was beating away good and strong. Oh, and the mystery second sphere from last weeks’ scan was not visible at all today, so I’m now satisfied with the mirror image explanation from last week and we only have one sac and one baby which is just fine! With my history of HELLP Syndrome, it’s very dangerous for me to carry multiples so I’m actually very relieved. Dr K said everything looks really great. She even asked us if we wanted to move onto our regular OB from this point on. This was a natural pregnancy so I know some of the staff at Dr. K’s office are probably wondering what I’m doing there since she’s an RE and is really hard to book time with, but she was the first specialist I saw for Recurrent Pregnancy Loss and I just feel like I still need a little extra hand holding right now, so we decided to go back to Dr. K for one more scan in […]

Jelly Bean Lives!

We had our first ultrasound today and so far our little Jelly Bean is good! More than good! He or she is measuring a few days ahead of schedule at 6 Weeks 5 days and my due date has been moved up from January 6 to January 3rd! We didn’t measure the heartbeat today because Dr. K said they’ve stopped putting the Doppler on the heartbeat this early. She didn’t go into a lot of detail as to why, but I’m rolling with it. I was a little disappointed, but we could all see that the little heart was beating good and strong and Dr. K said it looked like it’s well over a 100 which is where we want it to be at this stage. So for now we’ll have to settle for just seeing the heartbeat. Which was AMAZING! I know we have a long way to go, but for today, everything is perfect. Yay! Thank you, God! Now, you might be noticing that there’s another sphere in the image that looks a lot like another sac. We all took a double take when the image first came up on screen. This is a natural pregnancy so that […]

First Ultrasound Is Tomorrow!

Our first ultrasound is tomorrow! I can’t believe we’re finally here, and now that we are, I’m feeling so anxious again! All in all, I’m still feeling really awful which is encouraging, but I think it as more to do with this crazy heat wave we’ve had in combination with being pregnant, than pregnancy symptoms alone. It was 97 ° F  today and our air conditioning is still not working! Okay, so here’s where I need to rant for a bit… I had a guy here to troubleshoot and repair my system last week and he identified that our freon tank was rempty. I was furious because we had someone out here last fall and they identified that we needed a new coil. We replaced the coil in November and he ran a test and told us everything was perfect. So imagine my frustration when I turn on my AC last week for the first time since then and it didn’t work! And even more frustrating, the new repair man told me my tank was empty! He refilled the tank, and said all was good, or so I thought.  But then I go to turn on my AC again yesterday, […]

Facing Mother's Day With Empty Arms

Mother’s Day is a beautiful day to celebrate our mothers and all they do for us. I know I will be thinking about my own mother on Sunday and remembering all she has done for me over the years of my life. It goes beyond just the years she raised me. The support and love my mom has given me in these recent years that have been some of the most difficult years of my life, has shown me how a mother’s love and care never ends. She has prayed with me, celebrated with me and grieved with me. I feel so blessed to have this amazing woman as my mother and I wanted to begin this post by saying a special thank you to her. Thank you Mom for being all that you are. I love you more than I can ever express in words. However, this day is more than a just a day to celebrate my Mom. For me, it’s also about my own journey into motherhood. It’s a day to remember my son and each of my babies in Heaven. The memories are beautiful, but also incredibly painful. It’s a reminder of what could have been. […]

"Let Your Faith Be Bigger Than Your Fear"

The past few days have been rough. I’m so tired and emotional. The hubby and I had a fight over something stupid yesterday morning and I spent the rest of the day crying while trying to work. I’ve been crying a lot the past few days. I can’t even say why exactly, I guess it’s just the extra hormones and worry. I’m still feeling symptoms, but they seem to come and go. The only constant symptom is exhaustion which seems to be getting worse. I want to crawl right back into bed and sleep the day away right after getting up every day. I’m so happy to feel it because it’s the only reassurance I have that this might be okay. It’s been challenging getting anything done though. As for the other symptoms, they come and go. It’s very disconcerting, and I feel like I’m having an emotional breakdown. One minute I feel positive that this time is going to be different, but then I remember that I have bad eggs and the odds of this going well aren’t great. This is my 6th pregnancy and I have no living children. I’m not sure I can handle another loss. I’m […]

I AM A HELLP Survivor – Preeclampsia Awareness Month

I am a HELLP Syndrome survivor too. A fellow blogger posted this on her blog today and I had to share it. I survived, but my son Holdon did not. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t still feel his loss and the after effects of this terrible condition of pregnancy. Mommy This Mommy That’s post… I just wanted to put out there that my daughter and I are HELLP survivors. I saw that May is preeclampsia awareness month. Everywhere I’ve read there are different definitions for HELLP. Some say you get help after you are diagnosed with preeclampsia. Other places say it’s a severe form of preeclampsia. According to the American pregnancy.org website HELLP syndrome defined “HELLP Syndrome is a series of symptoms that make up a syndrome that can affect pregnant women. HELLP syndrome is thought to be a variant of preeclampsia, but it may be an entity all on its own. There are still many questions about the serious condition of HELLP syndrome. The cause is still unclear to many doctors and often HELLP syndrome is misdiagnosed. It is believed that HELLP syndrome affects about 0.2 to 0.6 percent of all pregnancies.” To read […]

4 Weeks, 4 Days

I’m 4 weeks, 4 days pregnant today. It’s still so early, I’m afraid to even talk about it. We have our first ultrasound scheduled for 6 weeks, 3 days on May 15th. It’s only 2 weeks from now, but might as well be 2 years. It seems so far way right now! And even if all is good with our little jelly bean on that day, I still won’t rest easy. I know it can still go wrong even if we see a heartbeat. I have so much hope for this new pregnancy, but my history has taught me to be very cautious. So right now I’m just trying to enjoy the moment and take this day by day. It helps that I feel like complete crap. I’m relishing in it. I’ll take feeling like crap if it means all is good with our little one 🙂 Symptoms So Far: # 1 – Exhaustion! This is my 6th pregnancy and I don’t remember feeling this tired with any of the others. Not even with Holdon, and I carried him to almost 28 weeks. I’ve had to drag my butt out of bed every day this week, and have found myself […]