My painting is finished! It only took me 3 years to finish, but it’s finally out of my head and on the canvas! In the summer of 2011, one year after the death of my son, I purchased this canvas and started this painting. I started it for Holdon. I wanted to capture all my memories and thoughts of him. I began by sketching out my ideas on the canvas in pencil and put enough paint on the canvas to outline the infinity symbol, but then I became pregnant again and even though I only paint in acrylic and it’s supposed to be non-toxic, I was scared to continue painting, especially in the first trimester. So I put the painting on hold. Then I had my first miscarriage, and I hit such a low place, I couldn’t bring myself to work on it anymore. I didn’t want all the bitter energy I was feeling to be reflected in it. So I put everything away, and promised myself I would come back to it when I was in a better place.
It took a long time to get to that better place. Just when I would feel like I was ready to start again, I had another miscarriage, and then another. With each loss I would spiral right back down to that dark place. It wasn’t until a few months ago that I finally felt like I had come out of that fog and was ready to start again. I’m not really sure what changed, but I woke up one day and decided I was ready. I began working on it with a few modifications to include my 3 miscarriages. I wanted to capture all my pregnancies, the good and bad memories, and also create something that reflected my renewed hope. Now that all those memories are captured, I feel like I can fully move forward and no matter what happens with the transfer, I’ll always have this symbol of the love and faith and hope I have that one day this will happen for us.
This is even more beautiful than I imagined it would be. Everything about this picture such an honor to your son..absolutely beautiful.
Thank you so much hon!
I second that. You have so elegantly captured an emotional journey. Your grace and strength is truly remarkable. Wow, what a moving tribute. Congratulations. Wishing you all the best tomorrow!!
Thank you 🙂
This is so incredibly beautiful! I am an artist as well and have been having a difficult time painting lately, since my miscarriage and now the probable impending one. When I opened my computer and saw this it gave me so much inspiration. I have been thinking about getting back in the studio the past few days and I thank you for giving me the courage to do so. Many hugs to you!
Thank you so much! I’m so happy that I have given you inspiration. Many hugs back!
I cannot convey how beautiful this is. There is so much emotion, I can feel it!!
Thank you so much.
Jo, the painting is absolutely beautiful. I know what has changed, Holdon was guiding your heart. You are so incredibly courageous and we love you sooo much. Holdon is smiling down on you, as well as all your other little Angels. Hold on to Love, Faith and Hope!
Thank you Mom. I love you <3
This is so beautiful and amazing, and I think perfect timing leading up to your transfer tomorrow.
Thanks hon <3 The transfer is Friday. Ah, it's so soon and feels so far away 🙂
Friday duh – somehow I totally miscalculated my days this week! But will send extra love and light both days as a bonus 🙂
? thanks!
It’s so beautiful, Jo!
Thanks hon <3
Wow! You are so amazing. Like…wow. XOXO
? thanks hon!
So beautiful, a perfect tribute :).
Thanks!
So beautiful!
Thanks <3
Beautiful & touching…showing so much strength & hope…. a beautiful healing…<3