Feeling Down But Still Believe In Miracles

Did anybody else see the story on the news this morning about a woman in Indiana who went to the hospital with stomach pains thinking she had severe appendicitis or gall bladder stones and was told she was in labor? She had no idea she was pregnant until her water broke in the ER. Seriously?! What the F? I was completely stunned watching this and burst into angry tears upon hearing it. How on earth can this happen? That poor baby. Who knows what the stupid B did in the 9 months while she was carrying him. She honestly thought she had just put on extra winter weight! Who can be that stupid?! Am I the only one who’s furious about this? The people on the news reporting on the story didn’t seem to be. They talked about it like it was the funniest thing in the world. I’m sorry, there’s nothing funny about this story. It’s unbelievable to me that this can happen, and yet this isn’t the first time I’ve heard stories like this. It’s so unfair! So many of us are so cautious during pregnancy that we barely breathe for fear it will cause a miscarriage, and we still have loss after loss. This stupid woman didn’t have to do anything and boom! Instant baby. Oh, and did I mention that she has 2 other kids? She should have definitional known better! Today is one of those days where I hate the world. Okay angry rant over. I just had to get that out.

On an happier note, a few days ago, I re-pinned a pin that Project Sweet Pea pinned on Pinterest and I’ve been meaning to write about it.

07de3c24ce00d34a5e1d2424b8557dd2Image Credit: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/328551735287724551/

This image really resonated with me because I’m living proof that this is true and miracles do happen. I was born 3 months early. I was only 2lbs 8 oz when I was born and I not only survived, but have no health problems related to being severely premature. What’s even more incredible is that I was born in 1977 when neonatal technology wasn’t at all what it is today. I’m going to attempt to tell this story though it’s really my Mom’s story to tell. Forgive me Mom if I get a some of the details wrong and please chime in if I mixed up any of the details 🙂

My story…

In the summer of 1976 my mother became pregnant with me and looked forward to delivering me in early March 1977. Little did she know at the time that I would be born 3 months early in January instead. She began bleeding very heavily around 4 months of pregnancy and was told by the loony doctor in the small town that she lived in that she would likely lose me and there wasn’t anything he could do for her. He told her to rest and take it easy, but with my 2 year old brother to take care of and my father working out of town, that really wasn’t feasible. What she didn’t know at the time was that her cervix was weak from her first pregnancy with my brother and that she needed to have it stitched. Her bleeding went on for two more months and she ended up being hospitalized because of it. Her doctor told her I wouldn’t survive and to prepare herself for an inevitable miscarriage. At the time my mother was living in a small town in Northern Ontario Canada. My father, was so frustrated and angry with this doctor that he requested my mother be moved to another hospital in Thunder Bay, Ontario. Upon arrival, she saw another doctor who told her, I could have been saved if she had only come to him a month before. He would have stitched her cervix and she likely would have been able to carry me closer to full term. She would have still been on bed rest, but I would have had a chance to develop more in the womb. However, because she was already 6 months along and the bleeding had become so bad, the only option available to her was for her to wait it out and hope for the best while being watched very closely by the medical team assigned to her. Not long after, she went into labor and I was born at 28 weeks. My mother lost so much blood during the delivery that she had to have a partial hysterectomy and lost her uterus. That day I became my parents miracle child. I was born very small but healthy. They kept me in the hospital for 2 months until I was big enough to go home, but other than being a skinny kid, I grew up healthy and strong.

The fact that I’m here to tell this story didn’t really hit home for me until I delivered my own child 3 months early. When Holdon was born I wasn’t immediately worried because I was a preemie and I turned out okay, but the difference between me and my son is that I wasn’t severely growth restricted and my lungs were fine when I was born. Holdon’s lungs were too underdeveloped and although he fought hard to survive, he never came off the vent and he eventually succumbed to infection. The loss of my son is something I’ll never understand, but it did make me realize how miraculous my own birth and survival was/is. It also doesn’t escape me that the day my son was born, my life was once again saved. HELLP Syndrome could have killed me. If the doctors hadn’t discovered how sick I was, I likely wouldn’t be here to tell this story. By the time they discovered how ill I was, my liver was already shutting down, my platelets were dangerously low and my blood pressure was skyrocketing. Delivering my son (well the placenta) is what saved me. I will never understand why I lived and he did not, but I do know that God is watching out for me and that my son is now with Him. I don’t know if this dream I have to have another baby will come true, but I do know that I’m being watched over very closely and I know it will work out one way or another.

In one month, Holdon would have been four years old. As we approach his would have been birthday once again, I am reminded about my pregnancy and all the events leading up to his emergency delivery on April 6th, 2010. I always dread this time of the year, and every year we try to do something special on his day to celebrate him and remember him, but this year I’m having trouble deciding what we should do. We’ve spent so much money on fertility treatments and various other things that have come up that we really can’t afford to go anywhere right now, so I think we’ll have to pick something local to do. It’s not so bad since we live in Southern California and there’s always things to do here, but oh how I wish we could just get away right now. To all my friends down here, I welcome any suggestions for things we could do in or around the LA area that don’t cost too much money. Thanks in advance!

16 thoughts on “Feeling Down But Still Believe In Miracles

  1. You are so right. You are a miracle! We all are! Thanks for the reminder. Have you guys gone to Joshua Tree before or lately? There are some amazing homes you could book for a night for under $150. It’s quiet and tranquil. I always find the energy in the desert brings me peace.

    1. Thanks hon! I actually have never been to Joshua Tree before. What a great suggestion! I’m going to looking into for sure! <3

      1. If you need any other tips let me know! There is this great little yoga studio and pizza place out there and not much else other than nature.

  2. Beautifully written. You are a miracle and you continue to be one as well. You are an amazing woman. This post is so inspiring too… thinking about you as April approaches. Hugs.

  3. Wow your story is amazing! No matter what you write about, you’re always very graceful–I admire that. You express your sadness elegantly, poignantly–never reckless or salty with your words.
    It’s so difficult to imagine the loss of Holden. Last year for our wedding anniversary, we went deep sea fishing in Newport Beach–it was a fun and fairly inexpensive getaway! I liked it out there. And we treated ourselves to dinner at the restaurant at Pelican Hill–sit on the veranda and enjoy the sunset cuz it’s magnificent (but we surely did not stay at the resort, we stayed at either the Hyatt or the Hilton in nearby Orange County–there was a neat hippy collective nearby the hotel). We were living in Vegas so we drove to Cali. XOXO

    1. Thanks hon. I was feeling so out of sorts yesterday. I actually had to stop myself before hitting post and editing the first part because my first version was very salty 🙂 ( I just love that word btw). I was so angry when I saw that story on the news! Thanks for the suggestion! It sounds like you had an amazing getaway!

  4. You are a miracle, what an incredible story. Thank you for sharing that. You have been through so much it breaks my heart every time I think about it. Your strength is so inspiring hun. Sending you loads of love xxx

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