I just walked back in the door from getting my blood work and running a few errands afterward, and the lab already posted my result! Here it is:
Thursday – 1:14 pm: 62
Saturday – 10:08 am: 228
That’s way more than double! Thank you God! I’m so relieved! Of course having good rising betas doesn’t mean we’re safe yet. After all, pregnancy #4 had good rising betas and it still resulted in a miscarriage, BUT this is good news, and today, I’m happy 🙂
The past week has been such a roller coaster of emotions. Last Friday, April 18th, was the would-have-been-due-date for pregnancy # 2 and my first miscarriage. I spent the day in quiet reflection and tried to look to the future not the past, and hoped for this cycle. Then 3 days later on April 22nd, I realized that if we got pregnant this cycle (I didn’t know at the time that we had gotten pregnant), that it would be almost a mirror image of pregnancy #4 in terms of dates, because on that day last year, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. If it hadn’t resulted in a miscarriage at 7 weeks, my due date would have been January 5th. The due date for this new pregnancy is January 6th, just one day after the due date for pregnancy #4, and 2 days after my birthday. Last year, I felt like the best present I was ever going to get for my birthday was snatched away from me. Will I feel the same way on my birthday this year, or will I be given my gift back?
Remembering pregnancy #4 had me feeling way more sad and emotional than remembering pregnancy #2. I guess the added hormones had something to do with it, but also that was the pregnancy that I thought would make it. I thought that baby was our rainbow baby. We had good rising betas, and my first 2 ultrasounds at 6 and 7 weeks were great. Baby was measuring the right size and we saw a good heartbeat both weeks. The doctor we were seeing at the time was Dr. K. She was the first RE we saw who was recommended by our regular OB, Dr. S, for recurrent pregnancy loss.
“Everything looks great. I can transfer you back to Dr. S for regular prenatal care now or you can come back for one more ultrasound next week just to make sure if you want.”
We opted to go back to see Dr. K one more time because we were still nervous, but everything was pointing towards that pregnancy being okay. We relaxed a bit and began to enjoy the pregnancy. But then, at 8 weeks, it fell apart. We started that 8 week appointment in a really good mood and were joking around with Dr. K because she was 8 1/2 months pregnant and she looked like she could deliver immediately. We were happy. We had no idea what was coming next. The ultrasound showed that our baby hadn’t grown since the day after our previous ultrasound and that his or her heart had stopped beating. We were floored. I remember just staring straight ahead and thinking, not again. I couldn’t even look at Dr. K with her giant pregnant belly. And she couldn’t look at us. My husband later told me that she was on the verge of tears too.
Okay so that was a year ago. Since then, we tried IVF and PGD and our one normal embryo failed to implant, and then the very next cycle we suffered a chemical pregnancy. A lot has happened, and now just 2 cycles later, here we are pregnant again with almost the exact same dates as a year ago. It’s scary. Please let the dates be the only similarity! Okay second similarity. We’re back to seeing Dr. K. so that’s another similarity, but hopefully that’s it! The story of why we left Dr. K and are now back to her is a long story. I’ll try to brief, please stick with me 🙂
I have medical insurance through Kaiser Permanente. It’s amazing insurance, but only covers you for treatment within their system, unless there’s an emergency. So, after we had our second miscarriage and 3rd loss in 2 years, our regular OB recommended we see an RE for recurrent pregnancy loss, and she recommended Dr. K who is an RE within the Kaiser system. Dr. K was wonderful, but after pregnancy #4 and our 3rd miscarriage, she recommended that we try IVF with PGD. Unfortunately, my insurance covered me to see her for recurrent pregnancy loss, but not for fertility treatments. Since any fertility treatments we moved forward with would be out of pocket, we realized we could go anywhere we wanted. And since Dr. K was about to go on maternity leave, and her giant pregnant belly was too much for me to deal with anyway, we decided to go outside of Kaiser Permanente for our IVF and PGD treatments. That’s how we found Dr. J. However, now that I’m pregnant again, I want special care that an RE can provide in these early weeks. I love Dr. S and she was amazing when we were pregnant with Holdon, but Dr. K, has more experience with recurrent pregnancy loss, and my insurance covers my appointments with her under the umbrella of recurrent pregnancy loss. If all goes well, we’ll eventually end up back with Dr. S. Please make it so!
As for Dr. J, I considered calling his office and telling them the good news, since it was at his advice that we start trying on our own again and he would probably still like for us to follow up with him even though we’re not doing any fertility treatments right now, but Kaiser Permanente does not cover his clinic or any care I have there because it’s outside of Kaiser. I know stupid system, but other than fertility coverage (which sucks) my insurance is amazing, especially for maternity care. And they have great facilities. Hence the amazingly fast lab results on a Saturday afternoon that got uploaded to my online account within 2 hours of my blood draw. So anyway, I have chosen to stay with Kaiser and my doctors there. Which is why we’re back to seeing Dr. K.
I can’t help wondering if we’ll have a repeat of a year ago and relive that hell all over again, with the same doctor and almost the same dates plus 1 year, but then I think, maybe this is my redo. And maybe, just maybe we’ll score this time!
Homage to National Infertility Awareness Week
I know I’m squeaking this in on the last day of NIAW, but I want to sign off by sharing something a really good friend of mine shared with me in honor of NIAW. The note she attached to this link was simply “thank you”. She struggled with infertility for 10 years, but now has two beautiful girls.
I want to say thank you back to her and to all my friends and family and especially to all my fellow bloggers for giving me so much support through this journey. I know, it’s your strength and support that has gotten me through this so far.
Thank you <3
A Thank You Letter To The Friends Who Helped Me Through Infertility
Your infertile friend doesn’t want your sympathy. She just wants your friendship.