Beta # 2 is Good!

I just walked back in the door from getting my blood work and running a few errands afterward, and the lab already posted my result! Here it is:

Thursday – 1:14 pm: 62
Saturday – 10:08 am: 228

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That’s way more than double!Β Thank you God! I’m so relieved! Of course having good rising betas doesn’t mean we’re safe yet. After all, pregnancy #4 had good rising betas and it still resulted in a miscarriage, BUT this is good news, and today, I’m happy πŸ™‚

The past week has been such a roller coaster of emotions. Last Friday, April 18th, was the would-have-been-due-date for pregnancy # 2 and my first miscarriage. I spent the day in quiet reflection and tried to look to the future not the past, and hoped for this cycle. Then 3 days later on April 22nd, I realized that if we got pregnant this cycle (I didn’t know at the time that we had gotten pregnant), that it would be almost a mirror image of pregnancy #4 in terms of dates, because on that day last year, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. If it hadn’t resulted in a miscarriage at 7 weeks, my due date would have been January 5th. The due date for this new pregnancy is January 6th, just one day after the due date for pregnancy #4, and 2 days after my birthday. Last year, I felt like the best present I was ever going to get for my birthday was snatched away from me. Will I feel the same way on my birthday this year, or will I be given my gift back?

Remembering pregnancy #4 had me feeling way more sad and emotional than remembering pregnancy #2. I guess the added hormones had something to do with it, but also that was the pregnancy that I thought would make it. I thought that baby was our rainbow baby. We had good rising betas, and my first 2 ultrasounds at 6 and 7 weeks were great. Baby was measuring the right size and we saw a good heartbeat both weeks. The doctor we were seeing at the time was Dr. K. She was the first RE we saw who was recommended by our regular OB, Dr. S, for recurrent pregnancy loss.

She said,

“Everything looks great. I can transfer you back to Dr. S for regular prenatal care now or you can come back for one more ultrasound next week just to make sure if you want.”

We opted to go back to see Dr. K one more time because we were still nervous, but everything was pointing towards that pregnancy being okay. We relaxed a bit and began to enjoy the pregnancy. But then, at 8 weeks, it fell apart. We started that 8 week appointment in a really good mood and were joking around with Dr. K because she was 8 1/2 months pregnant and she looked like she could deliver immediately. We were happy. We had no idea what was coming next. The ultrasound showed that our baby hadn’t grown since the day after our previous ultrasound and that his or her heart had stopped beating. We were floored. I remember just staring straight ahead and thinking, not again. I couldn’t even look at Dr. K with her giant pregnant belly. And she couldn’t look at us. My husband later told me that she was on the verge of tears too.

Okay so that was a year ago. Since then, we tried IVF and PGD and our one normal embryo failed to implant, and then the very next cycle we suffered a chemical pregnancy. A lot has happened, and now just 2 cycles later, here we are pregnant again with almost the exact same dates as a year ago. It’s scary.Β  Please let the dates be the only similarity! Okay second similarity. We’re back to seeing Dr. K. so that’s another similarity, but hopefully that’s it! The story of why we left Dr. KΒ  and are now back to her is a long story. I’ll try to brief, please stick with me πŸ™‚

I have medical insurance through Kaiser Permanente. It’s amazing insurance, but only covers you for treatment within their system, unless there’s an emergency. So, after we had our second miscarriage and 3rd loss in 2 years, our regular OB recommended we see an RE for recurrent pregnancy loss, and she recommended Dr. K who is an RE within the Kaiser system. Dr. K was wonderful, but after pregnancy #4 and our 3rd miscarriage, she recommended that we try IVF with PGD. Unfortunately, my insurance covered me to see her for recurrent pregnancy loss, but not for fertility treatments. Since any fertility treatments we moved forward with would be out of pocket, we realized we could go anywhere we wanted. And since Dr. K was about to go on maternity leave, and her giant pregnant belly was too much for me to deal with anyway, we decided to go outside of Kaiser Permanente for our IVF and PGD treatments. That’s how we found Dr. J. However, now that I’m pregnant again, I want special care that an RE can provide in these early weeks. I love Dr. S and she was amazing when we were pregnant with Holdon, but Dr. K, has more experience with recurrent pregnancy loss, and my insurance covers my appointments with her under the umbrella of recurrent pregnancy loss. If all goes well, we’ll eventually end up back with Dr. S. Please make it so!

As for Dr. J, I considered calling his office and telling them the good news, since it was at his advice that we start trying on our own again and he would probably still like for us to follow up with him even though we’re not doing any fertility treatments right now, but Kaiser Permanente does not cover his clinic or any care I have there because it’s outside of Kaiser. I know stupid system, but other than fertility coverage (which sucks) my insurance is amazing, especially for maternity care. And they have great facilities. Hence the amazingly fast lab results on a Saturday afternoon that got uploaded to my online account within 2 hours of my blood draw. So anyway, I have chosen to stay with Kaiser and my doctors there. Which is why we’re back to seeing Dr. K.

I can’t help wondering if we’ll have a repeat of a year ago and relive that hell all over again, with the same doctor and almost the same dates plus 1 year, but then I think, maybe this is my redo. And maybe, just maybe we’ll score this time!

Homage to National Infertility Awareness Week

I know I’m squeaking this in on the last day of NIAW, but I want to sign off by sharing something a really good friend of mine shared with me in honor of NIAW. The note she attached to this link was simply “thank you”. She struggled with infertility for 10 years, but now has two beautiful girls.

I want to say thank you back to her and to all my friends and family and especially to all my fellow bloggers for giving me so much support through this journey. I know, it’s your strength and support that has gotten me through this so far.

Thank you <3

 

A Thank You Letter To The Friends Who Helped Me Through Infertility

Your infertile friend doesn’t want your sympathy. She just wants your friendship.

Click here to read entire story

28 thoughts on “Beta # 2 is Good!

  1. Oh, lady, yay!!! That is some gorgeous digits!! When is the next beta? And I am praying with all I have that this is going to be a wonderful pregnancy with a gorgeous little one come January. I know that there is so much creeping up from the past, but this is a new everything…I can’t wait to watch this be a perfect pregnancy. =)

    1. Thanks hon. It is a new everything. I keep reminding myself of that πŸ™‚ I’m not sure my Dr will require another beta and I’m feeling so good after this one, I’m a little scared to do another. I’m sure I’ll hear from her on Monday to schedule my 6 week ultrasound. I think we might just wait for that – unless I go crazy and need confirmation that everything is still progressing before then!

      I’m so excited for you too! We’re only a couple weeks apart! May Christmas/New Years be amazing for both of us!!

  2. Unbelievable news! It was after your last IFV/miscarriage that I wrote that post ‘Prayer for the Infertiles.’ You were on my heart when I wrote that especially – and I am thrilled at your news!! Praying this is it for you, hon!! xo

    1. Thank you so much Kate. I really believe your prayers helped and they mean so much to me.

      You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers too. I also really believe you will be sharing your own bfp story soon. Your “A Second Word from God: Hannah” post gave me chills. I really believe God was sending you a clear message that day. It’s going to happen soon. I just know it.

      May we both be holding our rainbows at the start of 2015!

  3. Yes! Good news is good news, so hang on to that and take one day at a time. Maybe these dates are some strange sign, meant to be? I’m happy as long as you’re happy!! Love you!

  4. I am just so thrilled for you!!!! This is going to be the one for you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us and for being such an amazing beacon of fortitude. Sending you so much love, my heart is bursting!! Now rest up and spoil yourself rotten. πŸ™‚

  5. It is so hard not to compare one pregnancy to another. There’s always that fear that we’re gonna relive loss again and again. But the hope that things will turn out differently next time is why we keep trying, right? Praying we’ll both be holding our babies in January. We’ll be bump buddies!! πŸ™‚

  6. So amazingly thrilled and happy for you that it continues to go well, love the idea that this is a new pregnancy with all the chance in the world at ending in your miracle take home baby. Continuing to send all my love and hope for more good news!

  7. Oh my goodness! I don’t know how I missed this post until just now….. Praise God!!!! Amazing news! I can’t wait for more updates! Praying for you, and Baby, and for your body!

  8. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I just found your blog and was so saddened to read about Holdon and about your subsequent losses. I just lost my first little girl in January at 26 weeks due to blood clots. This was preceded by an infertility diagnosis that included being told I’d *never* have my biological children and that we should move to donor eggs. I’ve found blogs like yours to give me hope and to provide comfort through a process that is incredibly isolating. Fingers crossed that this pregnancy goes well for you.

    1. Thank you so much hon. I am so so sorry to hear of your loss too. My heart aches for you. I just can’t understand why this keeps happening to so many of us. Please know I’m always here. I have just added your blog to my reader list and will be following your journey too hon. Fingers crossed for your upcoming IVF cycle. *hugs*

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