4 Weeks, 4 Days

I’m 4 weeks, 4 days pregnant today. It’s still so early, I’m afraid to even talk about it. We have our first ultrasound scheduled for 6 weeks, 3 days on May 15th. It’s only 2 weeks from now, but might as well be 2 years. It seems so far way right now! And even if all is good with our little jelly bean on that day, I still won’t rest easy. I know it can still go wrong even if we see a heartbeat. I have so much hope for this new pregnancy, but my history has taught me to be very cautious. So right now I’m just trying to enjoy the moment and take this day by day. It helps that I feel like complete crap. I’m relishing in it. I’ll take feeling like crap if it means all is good with our little one 🙂

Symptoms So Far:

# 1 – Exhaustion!
This is my 6th pregnancy and I don’t remember feeling this tired with any of the others. Not even with Holdon, and I carried him to almost 28 weeks. I’ve had to drag my butt out of bed every day this week, and have found myself crashing on the couch after dinner. Please let this be a good sign!

# 2 – Peeing All The Time
Part of my exhaustion is likely from waking up 3 or 4 times in the night to pee. The hormones are definitely working on my bladder.

#3 – Sore Breasts – I don’t have much there, but wow are they sore!

#4 – Acne
I haven’t broken out this bad in a while. This was actually one of the reasons I tested early. I knew something was up when my chin erupted last week.

#5 – Nausea
I started feeling pretty queasy and light-headed the past few days. It seems like it’s too soon for morning sickness so I’m thinking it’s the heat. It’s insanely hot here right now. It wouldn’t be so bad, but my air conditioning isn’t working and I work at home so I can’t really escape it. I have a call in for service but they won’t get here until next week when the heat wave is expected to end (figures!).

I really hope all these symptoms are a good sign!

That’s about it for now. I feel weird and uncomfortable even talking about this pregnancy so soon. I’ve always kept my pregnancies a secret for fear it wouldn’t work out and now I’m announcing it on my public blog! It makes me so nervous!  I started this blog so I wouldn’t live in fear anymore, but I’m still so scared! I’m so happy to finally be pregnant again and I’ve been feeling so much hope that this one is going to be different, and that maybe just maybe, this baby will be okay, but it’s hard to sit still and see how this plays out. I’m constantly aware of what can happen and it keeps my joy and excitement in check. Also, I can’t believe we spent all that money on IVF so we could test our embryos and have a little more piece of mind going into another pregnancy, only to have it fail, and then get pregnant naturally 2 months later and have no idea if our embyo is okay! It’s so typical!

I’m also hyper aware of so many of you who are still waiting to get back in the game or doing everything you can to get into the game at all. I know how hard it can be to be on that side of this and I want you all to know, I won’t feel bad if you need to unfollow me for a while, but please know I’m still going to be following all of your stories and praying so hard. May we all make it to the other side of this very soon!

 

54 thoughts on “4 Weeks, 4 Days

  1. Oh lady I am just keeping all things crossed for you all the time. Of course you are scared but I am glad that you are taking time to feel hopeful. Xoxo!!

  2. That two week wait for the ultrasound was KILLER for me!! Your symptoms all sound like great sign, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you and looking forward to reading the positive news following your next dr’s visit. 🙂

    1. Thanks! I know! We wait for that BFP, then for the first ultrasound, then the next… the waiting never ends does it? Looking forward to more positive news at your next appointment too!

    1. Thanks so much hon. Been thinking about you. I saw your comment on A Calm Persistence’s post yesterday. I’m so frustrated and angry for you. Stupid lab! I really hope the test results come back before your hubby leaves!

        1. I just realized that I wrote “with” instead of “for”. I meant along with you, but it came out all wrong! Eek! I just fixed it! Sending you lots of love hon <3 Praying that lab get's their shit together!

  3. Oh hun I am just so hopeful. I have such a good feeling about this one!!! These symptoms are a great sign. Take one day at a time, we’re holding your hand each step of the way xxx

    1. Thank you so so much hon <3 I know you are and it means so much. You give me so much hope! I know you know how this fear feels. It's stories like yours that have been keeping me sane and hopeful. It can work out, even after so much loss. *Hugs*

  4. Maybe you could do a beta for peace of mind in the 5th week. Your symptoms sound lovely. Its strange right how excited we infertiles get when we are in discomfort :). I remember being soo excited when I puked my head off. :))

    1. I know! I’m actually hoping I puke my had off too! We’ll see if it happens. I never have with any of my previous pregnancies, but then again, this one already feels different so we’ll see. I’m going to try and not do any more betas. They were rising really well so I’m just going to trust that. I did take the last pregnancy test I had in the box a few days ago at the 4 week mark and the pregnancy line was way darker than the control line. So hopefully that means I have a lot of hcg in my system 🙂

  5. I hope this one is the one that brings you joy and happiness. I’m 5w3d with my first pregnancy and I feel the way you do right now. I keep thinking there should be more in the way of symptoms but so far for me its 1) more tired than normal 2) mild stomach cramps 3) craving salty food especially hot banana pepper rings and 4) breasts are noticeably sore. I haven’t had any feelings of nausea or morning sickness and I think that’s what’s causing me to not get too excited yet. I think I need to remember to take things one day at a time, enjoy this moment and realize I really have no control over the outcome. Good luck to you – hoping we both get fabulous news the week of 5/12 at our ultrasounds!

    1. Thank you so much hon! <3 And congratulations on your pregnancy too! It' so true. Taking things one day at a time is all we can do, but it's so hard! Try not to worry about not having nausea though. For one thing, it doesn't usually kick in until around 6 weeks so you might still be a bit early, and some women just don't get nausea. My SIL has 3 kids and never had nausea with any of them. Those are some crazy cravings though. That must be a good sign 🙂

      I just added you to my reader list and will be following your journey too. Sending you so many prayers for your first ultrasound!

      1. Thank you so much for the reassurance! I just don’t know what to think about all of this yet and think I’m reading too much into things! I’m looking forward to following your journey!

  6. Those symptoms are baby’s way of reassuring you that things are progressing exactly as they should. I am so hopeful for this pregnancy, this beautiful, perfect life growing inside you. You are so courageous — a testament to your love for this little one (and all of the little ones before this one). May this be your miracle-rainbow-dream-come-true.

  7. I just turned 10 weeks yesterday and it’s weird still. 6 weeks seems so far away. At my 8 week u/s my dr told me my puking was a great sign. Once you hear that heartbeat you won’t mind a single symptom!

    1. Thanks hon. I don’t mind a single one right now 🙂 The more the merrier if it means all is good with this pregnancy! Congrats on your 10 week milestone. That’s wonderful news. I’m so happy for you!

  8. Thinking of you. You deserve this more than anything and I just can’t unfollow your blog. Although I did have a slight feeling that I’m being left behind, I couldn’t be happier for you and I’m so thankful you’re still supporting me too. I greatly appreciate that you haven’t just disappeared after you BFP. I know it’s really the just the beginning of another fight for you and I know you’ll be scared until you have that baby safe in your arms, but I just have so much hope for you. I just feel like this is it. I can’t explain it, but I just feel like it is. I’ll be praying for you constantly. 🙂 God is good, all of the time.

    1. Thank you so much hon. Your love and support means so much to me. I know how hard these bfps are. I felt it too. The joy for our IF moms is indescribable, but the sadness for oneself is also so incredibly difficult. It’s such a terrible feeling. I have been questioning for years when it will be my turn. Is it now? I have no idea. I have so much hope for this new pregnancy, but it’s hard to let go and trust it, but I’m trying 🙂

      I have been praying for you constantly too. And I believe in my heart that your turn is coming soon. I know its hard to believe it, especially with this recent setback, but your rainbow baby is coming. God is good and he has not forgotten you. I just know it.

  9. I’m not a religious person (as you know) but I’m sending you all the positive energy I can muster. I want this to work out for you. You and Arun, you deserve for this to have a happy ending. All my love goes out to you both (all three of you 😉 If only I knew of some kind of baby dance that I could perform…

    1. 🙂 Thanks hon! I would love a baby dance! Maybe we should just make up our own! Love it 🙂 Love you so much girl <3

  10. Sending well wishes and positive vibes your way. Enjoy the moment, the here and now and stay hopeful. You are such a strong person to be so positive and hopeful even after all you have been through, I don’ know that I could muster it right now myself, and I am hoping and wishing this is it!!!

    1. Thank you so much hon. Your support and positive wishes mean so much. I have just been reading through some of your recent posts and I just want to say how much my heart aches for you and all you have been through. I’m here, always, if you need anything. Sending you so much love and light your way. May the coming months bring new beginnings for both of us. Hugs!

  11. I have so much love and hope for you and your growing bundle of.cuddles. I hope.and pray everything continues well for you and your able to feel some relief and joy in this pregnancy. Your struggles are far superior to many others I follow and help put my own insecurities in check.

    1. Thanks so much! It has been a bit a rough time. Praying that’s behind me now. Regardless of that, I would never diminish what you or anyone is going through. I know you have been going through a hard time too and pray it’s coming to an end very soon!

      1. I think you should read ‘Love song for baby x” by Cheryl Dumesnil. It’s about the ttc journey and the loses she has along the way. It is an amazing read and can only imagine how much more wonderful it could be for those who truly understand her loses.

  12. I’m praying for you and checking your page all the time like a stalker 🙂 I will definitely keep following along on your journey as I’m so hopeful for you and excited that this is going to be your rainbow baby! Hugs!

    1. Aw thanks hon <3 You've been on my mind a lot. Hoping your get your own good news at the end of this cycle. I know you're testing on Mother's Day and it will be an emotional day no matter what happens (it's going to be pretty emotional for me as well). Know I will be thinking about you and praying.

  13. I truly love all the symptoms you are having, I love them. I love that you are feeling pregnant, that everything is going as it should. I hope these 2 weeks goes by crazy fast, I hope that you keep feeling super pregnant, I am praying for that jelly bean!

  14. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a lot of symptoms, but I hope that is good news for you too! Wishing you all the best!

  15. All these symptoms are good signs! As much as I don’t like to hear you’re sick, it’s a good thing that baby is making itself comfortable! Praying for you!

      1. You’re so thoughtful! I go in not tomorrow but the next day! I am so anxious!! Thank you for your prayers sweet friend!!

  16. I hope it’s all good news for you in the 6w scan. I know what you mean by being cautious…for us it didn’t feel very real until we were well into the second trimester. Sending positive thoughts your way and thinking of you. xx

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