Blog Hop: Women Writing

A good friend of mine, Judith from juicygreenmom.ca, asked me to participate in a Blog Hop that features new women writers and celebrates why we are writing across all blog communities and genres. When she first asked me, I was a little surprised because I have never really considered myself a writer. I write, but am I a writer? If you asked me, I would have said my husband is the writer in our household, not me. He doesn’t write professionally, but has been working on several writing projects for the past few years that we hope he’ll publish one day.  If you’ve read my husband’s short story, Holdon’s Story, titled “Press Play”, about our son’s short life, I think you will all agree that my husband has a rare gift for the written word. But this post isn’t about my husband the writer, it’s about me and why I began writing.

I’m a visual artist, and historically I’ve always turned to my sketchbook or canvas to let my emotions and thoughts out. It wasn’t until I lost my son that I turned to writing. In 2010, I had to deliver my son early due to HELLP Syndrome (to read more about my first pregnancy click here) and unfortunately he passed away three and a half months later due to severe prematurity. For the first time in my life, I didn’t know how to express myself visually because I didn’t recognized anything in my life and visual representation had no meaning for me, not even abstractly. This was the darkest time in my life. Eventually, I began to heal and even pulled out my easel with the plan to begin a painting for my son, but just when I thought I was starting to understand my new life without him, I had a miscarriage, and once again my world was turned upside down. I put the easel and paintbrushes away and picked up a pen instead.

Writing for me began as a series of thoughts that I would jot down on scraps of paper and in a notebook. Later I began to piece those thoughts together on the computer. That is where the story of my son lives. It is still not complete. I think it’s because my version of Holdon’s story is intertwined with my overall journey to have a child which is still ongoing. Eventually, I hope to publish an ebook here on my blog and maybe even in print one day, but like my life, my book has been ever evolving because so many other events have taken place since I first started putting the pieces of Holdon’s story together. Since I first began writing I lost my son and have experienced three miscarriages. We then tried IVF with PGD in hopes of preventing another miscarriage and more loss, but our only normal embryo failed to implant. That was followed by yet another miscarriage. It has been four years of sadness and disappointment, but also of amazing self discovery and hope.

In the meantime, writing has taken another turn for me and has become a very fulfilling aspect of my life through this blog. It was after my third miscarriage and fourth loss that I decided to start this blog. I was tired of living in shame and secrecy about all the loss I have experienced and I wanted to share my story and build a community of hope for others going through recurrent pregnancy and infant loss. What I discovered is that the community already exists and the amount of love and support we provide each other through sharing our stories has made this difficult journey easier.

Now months later, I find myself pregnant again with our sixth baby (naturally) and hopefully the one who lives. Our miracle baby. I live in fear every day that we will lose this baby too, but I also have so much hope.

How the Blog Hop Works

Write a description of yourself as a writer and answer the 3 questions below. Then invite 2-3 other women writers/bloggers to participate.

What am I working on/writing?

I am continuing to work on my book about Holdon, loss and my ongoing journey into motherhood. I also share accounts of my experiences regarding my journey through this blog. Admittedly, my book has taken a backseat in the past year to myhopejar.com, and I have realized that this blog and the community I have found through it have become an important part of my story. As my journey into motherhood evolves, so too will my book. It will likely become a compilation of my overall story, excerpts from this blog and will include my experiences since I began blogging.

How does my work differ from other writers in my genre?

I’m not sure my work differs that much from my fellow bloggers in this community. One of the most eye opening and refreshing experiences I have had since I began blogging is how open and honest these amazing women are about their experiences. We have all been through so much heartache on the journey to motherhood. Some of us have gone through years of struggling with infertility or, like me, have suffered miscarriage after miscarriage, and/or infant loss, and we tell it all. Perhaps the only difference between many of my peers and I, is that I have chosen to make my blog public. Most of the other infertility and Recurrent Pregnancy Loss bloggers keep their blogs private for obvious reasons. However, everyone, including those in my personal life knows about my blog. I decided from the start, that I wanted to be open and really share my story. It hasn’t always been easy ,especially when all I had was bad news to share, but sharing my journey with my friends and family was an influencing factor in why I began my blog to begin with.

Why do I write what I do?

I write for my son and I write for all my lost angels. I don’t ever want them to be forgotten, and through their stories I hope to help others. Furthermore, the help and support I have received in return has been a true gift.

Next Week’s Bog Hoppers

photo1The author of spiritbabycomehome (she has opted to go by “Birdie” here) writes an anonymous blog about recurrent pregnancy loss and her family’s journey to have a second living child.  Birdie must dress business formal in a conservative profession by day but wears her heart on her sleeve when she shares the ups and downs of her journey and select hues from the rainbow of ideas that occur to her along the way.  Please don’t judge her, she’s still pretty new at this.

MyPerfectBreakdownMy Perfect Breakdown, is an anonymous blog about one woman’s life.  She’s a classic type-a woman wishing to plan and control everything; has a passion for all things dog; has a fiery ambition to succeed in the corporate world while balancing the demands of multiple unsuccessful pregnancies; and is living life to the fullest while coping with the deaths of her mom and sister and losing multiple babies to unexplained recurrent pregnancy loss.  She began blogging to share her journey through unexplained recurrent pregnancy loss as a way to help educate others and offer support to anyone experiencing any form of pregnancy loss.

2014-06-26 14.50.40Tara of tarakay21.wordpress.com is a married, self-employed nail technician who was born and raised in Northern Alberta, Canada and plans to save the world with her superpower: sarcastic witticism.  She began blogging about her lifelong battle with an eating disorder to bring herself out of her shell, and try to make an impact with other writers and readers.

I look forward to reading each of these women’s Blog Hop posts!

Incidentally, I finally did finish that painting. To view it click here.

14 thoughts on “Blog Hop: Women Writing

  1. I love this post and am eternally grateful that you began and continue to write. I am also grateful and a little envious of your ability to be public about your experiences. You know why I cannot do that and I often wish it were otherwise. Your voice is so beautiful, Johanne, and your blogging presence a gift to all of us. Thank you for sharing your son’s, your angels’ and your own story. As corny as it sounds I am saying it: the world is a far better place and the blogosphere a kinder one with you in it.

    Finally, I am deeply honoured by the nomination and excited to learn about some more new women bloggers. Thank you.

    1. Aw, thanks so much hon! Likewise! I feel the same way about you!

      Thank you for participating with me! I’m so excited to read your post!

  2. I think you are so brave to share your story. I admire your strength and your ability to carry on despite the heartbreak you’ve been through. I am so excited for your pregnancy and I have nothing but the highest hopes for you, though I understand that fear you talked about, the nervousness. I live with it everyday and I’ve suffered but one loss. I’m always thinking of you! Hope you are feeling well. Happy 13 weeks and 2 days!! XO

    1. Thanks hon! Happy 13 weeks 2 days too! One loss or many, the fear is the same. I love so much that we are pregnant at the same time with the same dates. It’s just amazing to think of where we were at just a few short months ago, and where we are now. I have nothing but the highest hopes for you too hon <3

  3. What a wonderful post!
    Although our journey’s have been very different, there are also many, many similarities. I am grateful you have chosen to share your story with the world. I truly enjoy following your blog and learning form your experiences. And, I very much appreciate your support and words of wisdom. Please keep up the great writing and wishing you all the best with this little one! I love your happy updates, they give me and so many others such hope.
    Lastly, thanks for thinking of me, it is an honor to be included!

    1. Thanks hon <3 I'm so grateful you have chosen to share your story too! And I'm so thankful for your advice and support. I can't wait to read your blog hop post!

  4. I’m so proud of you for doing all that you do – including this blog. Writing it has become such an integral part of who you are and I’m glad that you are sharing it publicly because so many people benefit from it. Lots of love, sweetie!

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