4 Years

My Hope JarRemembering Holdon

Today is the 4 year anniversary of the day we lost Holdon. It’s hard to believe it’s been 4 years because it feels like it was just yesterday to me. On this day, I don’t really have too much to say except I miss you Holdon. Every single day of those 4 years, you have been missed. Mommy and Daddy love you, always and forever <3

Below is my post from Holdon’s 4th birthday on April 6th. I wanted to re-post it today in his memory. You will never be forgotten Holdon <3

 

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYI-16QeX54&w=560&h=315]

View video in YouTube: In Loving Memory of Our Son Holdon – YouTube.

 

On April 6th, 2010 at 1:38 PM, our son Holdon was born 3 months early due to a dangerous pregnancy condition called HELLP Syndrome, a variant of preeclampsia. He lived for 3 ½ months in the NICU. We named him Holdon with a second “o” so it would spell “hold on”, and he did. He held on every day of his precious life. He fought so hard, but in the end it was too much. On July 14th, 2010, we were told there was nothing more the doctors could do. His tiny underdeveloped lungs and short gut syndrome were too much for him. He could not absorb nutrients properly so his lungs couldn’t develop. He never came off the breathing tube and eventually he succumbed to infection, and as a result of sepsis, his organs began to shut down. We had him baptized at the hospital on July 19th, and then at 2:26 PM on July 20th 2010, after struggling for days with the impossible decision no parent should ever have to make, our son Holdon was taken off the breathing tube and died in my arms a few minutes later.

Click on the links below for more about Holdon, my first pregnancy and HELLP Syndrome:

My First Pregnancy: Holdon

Holdon’s Story

Today, we remember the short time we had with our son and want to create awareness about Preeclampsia and HELLP Syndrome.

Thousands of women and babies die or get very sick each year from a dangerous condition called preeclampsia and related disorders such as HELLP Syndrome, a life-threatening disorder that occurs only during pregnancy and the postpartum period.

For more information, visit the Preeclampsia Foundation Website: www.preeclampsia.org

About the Video:

I created this video for my son, Holdon so he will never be forgotten. I want the world to know he lived. When I first started thinking about creating this video, I knew I wanted to use the song “To Where You Are”, so I asked my very good friend, Judith Lam-Tang, to sing it. Her beautiful and angelic voice is exactly what I envisioned when I first started thinking about creating this piece. Thank you so much Judith for helping be make the perfect birthday present for Holdon!

To learn more about Judith or listen some of her other music, visit her website at www.judithlam.com. She also has a green living blog at juicygreenmom.ca.

Created by Johanne Regunathan
in memory of our angel, Holdon.
© Copyright. Johanne Regunathan 2014 www.myhopejar.com. All rights reserved.

Special thanks to my dear friend, Judith Lam-Tang
for her beautiful version of To Where You Are.
© Copyright. Judith Lam-Tang  2014 www.judithlam.com. All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

48 thoughts on “4 Years”

    2. I logged on my computer to watch the video as it wouldn’t pull up on my phone – that was such a beautiful tribute to Holdon. You’re definitely in my thoughts today.

    1. Thanks hon. I’m doing okay today. We slept in yesterday and then went for long walk on the beach. Overall it was a good day. Still sad, but okay.

  9. Holdon was a handsome little man, honey. And undoubtedly had so much love in his life. It breaks my heart that you three had to experience such a brief but forever strikingly sweet time together. Hugs, lady.

    1. Thanks hon. He really was so handsome. As I was reflecting yesterday, I remembered all those days in the NICU and as hard as it all was, I’m so thankful we had them. With 4 miscarries after that, I appreciate more than ever how precious that time was. Sometimes we don’t even get that long. I’m doing okay today, and so thankful I have this new chance with a new and hopefully healthy baby. Hugs back! <3

  10. I cannot begin to express the sadness I feel for you both. I don’t know how you move past something so tragic. But you are and it’s wonderful. I’m sure there will be a bit of Holdon in your new little man.

    1. Thanks so much for saying that hon. I was just talking about this with spiritbabycomehome yesterday about spirit babies, and I agree with her. I truly believe the spirit of our lost babies come back to us. This new baby will be his own person, but I think Holdon and our other lost angels will be part of him too. Hugs girl <3

    1. Thanks hon <3 He truly is loved and missed so much. I know you know more than anyone exactly how this feels. I hope my own story didn't bring back too many painful ones for you. Hugs hon.

    1. Thanks hon. I’m just playing catch up and about to go read your blog. I hope today wasn’t too hard and that you got some good news today!

  20. We remember like it was yesterday Jo. He was loved then and he is loved now, always a special place in our hearts. Hugs….. Mom &Dad

  22. Finally pulled this up on a computer so I could watch it, and my heart is breaking for you. 🙁 I am so sorry you had to go through that. I’m glad you did have those few months to spend beside him, as agonizing as it must have been. He knew you were there and he knew he was so loved.

    Sending you lots of love and strength. I hope the day wasn’t too difficult for you to get through. I keep you and your current pregnancy in my thoughts every day. Keep your chin up, hun. <3

    1. Thanks so much hon. It was a hard day, but not as bad as I thought it would be. We spent a quiet day together and thought about Holdon. We know he’s watching out for us and his little brother.

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