The past few days have been rough. I’m so tired and emotional. The hubby and I had a fight over something stupid yesterday morning and I spent the rest of the day crying while trying to work. I’ve been crying a lot the past few days. I can’t even say why exactly, I guess it’s just the extra hormones and worry. I’m still feeling symptoms, but they seem to come and go. The only constant symptom is exhaustion which seems to be getting worse. I want to crawl right back into bed and sleep the day away right after getting up every day. I’m so happy to feel it because it’s the only reassurance I have that this might be okay. It’s been challenging getting anything done though. As for the other symptoms, they come and go. It’s very disconcerting, and I feel like I’m having an emotional breakdown. One minute I feel positive that this time is going to be different, but then I remember that I have bad eggs and the odds of this going well aren’t great. This is my 6th pregnancy and I have no living children. I’m not sure I can handle another loss. I’m…Continue reading "Let Your Faith Be Bigger Than Your Fear"
Tag: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Update: Beta #2 Tomorrow and Progesterone Check is Good!
I want to take a moment to thank all you wonderful ladies in this IF/RPL community for all your love and prayers yesterday and today. I feel so blessed to have found all of you, and it makes me feel so happy that so many are praying for our little one. We can use all the prayers we can get! I have so much I want to write about, but this past week has been crazy busy and I’m ridiculously exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open to write this update and it’s only 6:30 PM here! I will be writing much more tomorrow after I get some rest, including a separate post to properly thank SpiritBabyComeHome for her nomination for the Liebster Award. I am truly honored to receive this acknowledgement from her and I look forward to answering her questions. So for now, here’s a little update: My doctor got back to me earlier today and she wants me to go in for my second beta tomorrow. So yay! I won’t have to wait until Monday! She also checked my progesterone levels with yesterday’s blood draw and it’s 29.44 ng/ml which I’m told is really good so I…Continue reading Update: Beta #2 Tomorrow and Progesterone Check is Good!
Here We Go Again
The last 2 days have been really eventful amazing and I have been dying to tell all of you! I was just waiting for confirmation. I have no idea if it was the Evening Primrose Oil, or maybe it was just our month, I don’t know, but I took a pregnancy test yesterday and it was positive! I was adamant I wasn’t going to test before my period was due, but I changed my mind last night because I started feeling really awful 2 days ago. I feel like someone zapped all my energy and all I want to do is sleep. I’ve also been feeling really light headed and have had those familiar twinges and cramps even though my period isn’t due until Sunday. So after arguing with myself for several hours yesterday, I decided to bite the bullet and POS, and it was positive! The second line came up right away, and it wasn’t even a squinter! See the top test in the image above. Then because of what happened 2 months ago with my chemical pregnancy, I wanted to make sure so I took another one this morning and it’s way darker! See the bottom test in…Continue reading Here We Go Again
A Quick Getaway
Thank you everyone for all your love, thoughts and prayers this past weekend. I was overwhelmed with emotion reading all your comments on here yesterday, as well as all the comments I received on Facebook. One of my biggest fears, as time goes on, is that Holdon will be forgotten. However, I see now how impossible that is. We are so blessed to have so many people in our lives who love us and love Holdon, and I just know he was looking down at all of us and smiling at all the love he was feeling on his special day. Morro Bay, California Our weekend plans didn’t go exactly as we envisioned, but it was still very relaxing and good to get away. We had a party to go to on Saturday night, so we planned on leaving early on Sunday morning and getting into Morro Bay early enough to still enjoy the day, stay the night, then spend all day there the next day and drive back on Monday evening. Well, I was in a bit of funk on Saturday night with Holdon’s birthday the next day, and ended up drinking more than I wanted to at the…Continue reading A Quick Getaway
For Our Angel, Holdon on His 4th Birthday
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYI-16QeX54&w=560&h=315] View video in YouTube: In Loving Memory of Our Son Holdon – YouTube. Four years ago today, on April 6th, 2010 at 1:38 PM, our son Holdon was born 3 months early due to a dangerous pregnancy condition called HELLP Syndrome, a variant of preeclampsia. He lived for 3 ½ months in the NICU. We named him Holdon with a second “o” so it would spell “hold on”, and he did. He held on every day of his precious life. He fought so hard, but in the end it was too much. On July 14th, 2010, we were told there was nothing more the doctors could do. His tiny underdeveloped lungs and short gut syndrome were too much for him. He could not absorb nutrients properly so his lungs couldn’t develop. He never came off the breathing tube and eventually he succumbed to infection, and as a result of sepsis his organs began to shut down. We had him baptized at the hospital on July 19th, and then at 2:26 PM on July 20th 2010, after struggling for days with the impossible decision no parent should ever have to make, our son Holdon was taken off the breathing…Continue reading For Our Angel, Holdon on His 4th Birthday
Special Memory Bracelet
I received a surprise package in the mail yesterday from my Mom. It was a gift for Holdon’s birthday. It’s a Pandora bracelet with 3 charms on it: an “H”, a flower with his birthstone, and a small angel. It was such an overwhelming and touching gift to let me know she was thinking about us and our little angel. Thank you Mom! It’s beautiful. I have to admit, I’ve always thought Pandora bracelets were a little overpriced for what they are and never really wanted one before, but I fell in love with this bracelet instantly, and will cherish it always. What a perfect birthday present for my angel! As far as everything else, I’m doing okay, but still not sleeping well and I seem to be starting my period a few days early. So April 1 = CD 1. Lovely. Great way to start off hell month. Very fitting. All I can say is, hopefully we’ll have better news at the end of the month. Sending out love and prayers to my fellow bloggers. April is a rough month for many of us on here with miscarriage anniversaries, would-have-been due dates and not-birthdays. The only thing worst than…Continue reading Special Memory Bracelet
Reflecting on a Strange Week
This has been an interesting week. Not really bad, but not great either. First of all, I wrote last Sunday that I thought my body was having a good laugh at my expense, and I think it decided to keep on laughing because I posted a picture from Pinterest that said, “The bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep” by E. Joseph Lossman, and then I tossed and turned all that night, and the next 2 nights too! I was exhausted and falling asleep on the couch right after dinner, but as soon as I would go to bed, nothing! I was finally able to get a good 5 hours in a row on Wednesday and Thursday night and about 7 hours total last night, but it still wasn’t great. I kept having the weirdest dreams that kept waking me up. A lot of the dreams have been about our son and babies. I think Holdon’s upcoming not-birthday next Sunday is weighing heavily on my mind. I’ve been working on a video/slideshow for him and I think it’s bringing all of it back. I don’t regret working on it though, because it’s something I’ve wanted to do for…Continue reading Reflecting on a Strange Week
The Difference A Day Can Make
First of all, I want to thank all the ladies who commented on my WTF is My Body Doing? post from yesterday. All your support and advice really helped ease my mind and I was able to fall asleep easily last night instead of worrying about what my waking temp would be today. And sure enough, my temp went way up to 98.0 this morning! There’s no mistaking that temp shift. Whew! So if it remains high, then I can confirm that I ovulated some time yesterday. I’m feeling pretty foolish for putting that post up yesterday and seeing my temp go up today. Talk about jumping the gun! I really think my body was having a good laugh at my expense, but at least I know I’m back on track with only a few days delay and all your advice really helped! Image source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/328551735287917191/ After seeing that temp shift, I turned off my alarm and fell back to sleep until 10:00. It was bliss! I haven’t been able to sleep in that late in ages, and I can’t believe what a difference it has made in my mood today. So now I’m back in the dreaded TWW again, but…Continue reading The Difference A Day Can Make
WTF is My Body Doing?
It’s been such a crazy time lately and I’ve been so out of touch with this blog. I’ve been reading all my fellow bloggers posts and commenting when I have time, but have been completely neglecting my own blog. To recap, last cycle we got pregnant and had a chemical pregnancy that ended just a few days after I first saw a positive pregnancy test. It was my 5th loss in less than 4 years. It all happened so fast, and while my parents were visiting, so I didn’t have time to process it at all. Then, just 4 days later, my college roommate and her husband flew in for a long weekend. It was great to spend time with them but it was a whirlwind weekend of shopping and site-seeing with only a short break on the beach last Saturday to enjoy the 85 degree weather, and then a Saint Patrick’s Day party on Sunday that lasted all day in the hot sun. We continued the party at our house and only got a short nap in before seeing our friends off to the airport at 4AM on Monday morning. We barely got back to sleep when we were…Continue reading WTF is My Body Doing?
You Will Soon Witness a Miracle
A few days ago, we went for dinner at PF Changs, and at the end of our meal, they brought us fortune cookies. This was mine: I have to admit, my faith has been stretched pretty thin the past several weeks, but seeing that little strip of paper reminded me to not give up in a moment when I was feeling pretty hopeless. Okay God, I’m listening. I won’t give up. I won’t lose faith. You might recall that last month I posted the image below. I’m re-posting it because I’m seeing it in a different light now. We saw this boulder on the drive between Temecula and Palm Springs. It says, “I’m Right Here. Don’t Let Me Go”. At the time, I thought it was a sign that my FET would be successful, but now I realize I needed reminding that it might not all go according to plan, but I’m not alone and I shouldn’t let go of my faith and hope. And now in the wake of another miscarriage, I get this fortune. If these aren’t a sign from a higher power, I don’t know what is. I know this journey isn’t going to be easy. It…Continue reading You Will Soon Witness a Miracle