I have been holding off writing this post until I had more answers, but three days later, I honestly still don’t know what the F really happened. My period was due 4 days ago. By 6PM on that day, there was no sign of AF arriving and I was feeling all the familiar “symptoms” I’ve had with my last 4 pregnancies: weird throbbing headaches, extremely sore breasts and peeing a lot, so I decided to test. I sent my hubby out to get the tests because I had used up all my tests last month when I was frantically hoping for a BFP after my embryo transfer. He came home with the generic CVS brand with blue dye. I wasn’t happy. I only trust First Response Early Result tests not blue dye early result tests. I have heard they can sometimes give false positives. At any rate, this was the only test I had and my hubby was irritated with me for testing at all. He’s of the mindset, we’ll find out when my period is a no show, but since I always have a 26 day cycle and my period is usually in full force by the evening on…Continue reading Chemical Pregnancy or False Positive?
Tag: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Feeling Down But Still Believe In Miracles
Did anybody else see the story on the news this morning about a woman in Indiana who went to the hospital with stomach pains thinking she had severe appendicitis or gall bladder stones and was told she was in labor? She had no idea she was pregnant until her water broke in the ER. Seriously?! What the F? I was completely stunned watching this and burst into angry tears upon hearing it. How on earth can this happen? That poor baby. Who knows what the stupid B did in the 9 months while she was carrying him. She honestly thought she had just put on extra winter weight! Who can be that stupid?! Am I the only one who’s furious about this? The people on the news reporting on the story didn’t seem to be. They talked about it like it was the funniest thing in the world. I’m sorry, there’s nothing funny about this story. It’s unbelievable to me that this can happen, and yet this isn’t the first time I’ve heard stories like this. It’s so unfair! So many of us are so cautious during pregnancy that we barely breathe for fear it will cause a miscarriage, and…Continue reading Feeling Down But Still Believe In Miracles
Liebster Award
I finally have some time and want to properly say thank you to my lady bits for nominating me for the Liebster Award. I am truly humbled and honored to accept this acknowledgement. Thank you so much my lady bits! This past week has been very rough on you and I just wanted to say, don’t lose faith my friend. We’re all in this together. Your nomination reminded me that I’m not alone and really brightened my day, and I want to remind you that you are not alone in this too. You and our fellow bloggers in the RPL/Infertility blogosphere provide a special understanding when life doesn’t seem to make sense and truly make this difficult journey so much easier. I pray I do the same for you. That was my biggest hope when I created this blog and why I continue to write. In sharing our stories, we really do help each other. How the Liebster Award works: The Liebster Award brings a community of bloggers together and allows us to acknowledge each other and learn more about each other. To participate, Include the Liebster award image in your post (done). Link the blogger who nominated you (absolutely: my…Continue reading Liebster Award
Quick Updates
I don’t have much time because we’re getting ready to go out for the day, but I wanted to write a quick post. I’m really bad at letting weeks go by in-between posts when I’m busy so though I’d just write a quick one this morning and then I’ll write more in a few days when I have more time. Work has been busy and we’ve had the pleasure of visitors for the past few weeks and more to come upcoming weeks! With so many of our family and friends scattered about the US and Canada, it’s always so wonderful to have them come down here for a visit. It helps that we have nice weather all year round 🙂 My sister in-law was here for a week and a half at the beginning of the month, and now my parents are here from Canada. It was amazing to get up early and watch Team Canada win the Gold medal this morning with my parents. Way to go Team Canada! Liebster Award Nomination I’m humbled to announce that I received a nomination from My Lady Bits for the Liebster Award the other day. I plan on writing a separate post…Continue reading Quick Updates
Hard Decisions
I’m having a really hard time articulating my thoughts right now so I hope this all makes sense. Since my last post, we’ve had to reevaluate our choices again because we got the fee summary from our clinic for our upcoming plan, and we’re not sure we can or should proceed. If we somehow miraculously end up needing to do only one low stim cycle, it will still end up costing us another $16,000. If we end up having to do 3 or more low stim cycles (far more likely), we’re looking at spending another $25,000 or more. Here’s the fee summary we received from our clinic: MIN STIMULATION EMBRYO CRYO CYCLE, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE $ 6,442.50 MIN STIMULATION EMBRYO CRYO CYCLE, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE-15% ADJUSTMENT $ 5,872.38 MIN STIMULATION EMBRYO CRYO CYCLE, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE-30% ADJUSTMENT $ 4,902.25 FROZEN EMBRYO TRANSFER, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE-15% ADJUSTMENT $ 3,493.50 REPROGENETICS 24-CHROMOSOME PANEL (EMBRYOS 1-12) $ 5,125.00 ADDITIONAL $225 PER EMBRYO OVER 12, IF APPLICABLE TOTAL AMOUNT DUE $ 25,835.63 The above fee breakdown is for 3 Min Stimulation cycles. It will end up costing even more if we still don’t have enough embryos for testing after 3 cycles. I have to…Continue reading Hard Decisions
CD 2 – Moving Forward and Refusing to Give Up
First of all, I want to thank everyone in the RPL blogosphere for all your support and prayers over the past couple weeks. Thank you also to my family and friends. All your love and support has been my lifeline through this entire process. I apologize for not updating all of you sooner. I have to admit, I was feeling pretty lost. I really thought our one good embryo would take, so it was a complete shock when it didn’t. Even with our 2 negative betas (and 3 negative HPTs), I kept thinking it must have been a mistake and somehow I was still pregnant, but my period arriving with a vengeance yesterday put those diffusional thoughts to rest. It’s done. I accept that now, but I refuse to accept that this journey is done for us. I just can’t be. We met with Dr. J on Wednesday to discuss what happened and talked about our options. They weren’t great, but there still are some options, so thank God for that! He had no explanation for why our embryo didn’t take. She was only a moderate grade embryo which could have been an explanation, except that we did PGD, so…Continue reading CD 2 – Moving Forward and Refusing to Give Up
Officially Not Pregnant
I had my confirmation blood test today and it was still negative. It’s official. Our little embryo didn’t take. I’m completely devastated. I really thought this work, and I never allowed myself to think of the alternative. I know, bad idea, but I just didn’t want to let the negative thoughts in. It was as though I thought if I kept a positive attitude, I could will the final result to be positive, but that obviously wasn’t the case. So… what do we do now? Good question. I honestly don’t know. We have an appointment with Dr. J on Wednesday to discuss our options, but I just don’t know what we can handle anymore, financially or emotionally. So we’ll see. For tonight, I’m drinking some wine because I can and trying to not think about the future and what we should do right now. I just need a night where I’m not thinking about having a baby, or all my losses or anything. I’m tired of it all. Thank you everyone for all your love and support. I feel a little stronger dealing with all of this now then I have in the past with all my losses and other…Continue reading Officially Not Pregnant
A Prayer for the Infertile by a hundred affections
This is so beautiful. I echo each and every word. Thank you Kate at a hundred affections, for posting this prayer: A Prayer for the Infertile | a hundred affections
Negative Beta and Feeling Lost
Thank you everyone for all your love and support over the past few days. I wish I had better news to share, but unfortunately I don’t. It’s official, the blood test was negative today. I knew as soon as I heard the nurse’s voice that it was bad news. I could hear the disappointment in her voice. But at least I wasn’t surprised. Even though she discouraged me from testing on my own, at least it allowed me to be prepared for the final result. Well almost final result. As if this wasn’t bad enough, I have to go back in on Monday and re test, “just in case”. Although it’s very unlikely, there’s still a small possibility that I could have a late implantation and we have to wait to confirm. So this means, I have to wait some more and still have to use the messy progesterone suppositories and I still have to act pregnant, even though all I want to do is drown myself in a bottle of wine right now. I feel so lost right now. This was our one chance. I have no idea what to do now. After Monday’s confirmation, we’ll meet with Dr.…Continue reading Negative Beta and Feeling Lost
6dp5dt – Losing Hope
Well a lot has changed in the past 3 days. I wish I could say it was for the better, but unfortunately, that’s not the case. I have been feeling a lot of cramping that’s gotten steadily more noticeable in the past couple days and my breasts were starting to get really sore. I thought this must have been a good sign, so I decided to do an FRER HPT, yesterday. I know I shouldn’t have. The nurse specifically told me not to, but I know FRER is really sensitive and can detect the smallest traces of HCG, and I told myself from the start that I would test a day or two before so I could prepare myself. Well it was negative. And I did another test this morning and it was negative too. I’m devestaded. How can I be feeling all of this and it be negative? I guess it could be the progesterone, but I didn’t feel any of this before the transfer. It’s so messed up. I know it’s not over until the beta tomorrow, but I’m not too hopeful anymore that the result will be different with the blood test. I know this is why the…Continue reading 6dp5dt – Losing Hope